All Donkeys To Arms
Donkey comrades, let me appeal to your sense of justice. Let me beg for your cooperation in standing against donkey brutality. I’m talking about the humiliation of being clipped naked.
Following is the detailed account of the events leading up to the State Fair which I have personally submitted in a report to the ASPCA:
Wednesday, September 14, I was tied in the driveway to a 16 foot gate and bathed with cold, yes, cold water. I danced around so much I got soap in my eyes but I couldn’t help it. Even though it was 85 degrees outside with the sun shining, it was cold! My Mom just scolded me and said it wasn’t even really soap but an all vegetable based solution that cost a fortune and to stop being a baby. As it turns out that was the best part of my day.
Once dried, I was cross-tied in the barn and the horrible buzzing of a thousand bees began to hover around me. When they began landing on me I went into panic mode. I am not about to stand still under those conditions. The more I danced the worse things became. My Mom and Aunt Dayle tried holding my ears. Then when that didn’t work they put a clamp on my lip. It hurt like heck but I was not about to give in. By then they had moved down to my legs which are really sensitive and I just knew they would give up…..but they didn’t.
After several breaks and what seemed like an eternity it was over. I was moved to a cozy little stall and given hay and water. I could hear them talking outside my stall and I overheard Aunt Dayle say, “I’m too old for this. We may have to consider acing him next time.” I thought I had “aced it" pretty successfully already. Wait...does “aced” mean the same as “iced”? I don’t want to die! Please! No!!! I’ll be good next time.
That’s my version of what happened and I’m sticking to it. If any of you wish to lodge a similar complaint just ask me for the address or phone number which I happen to have on speed dial.
On a lighter note, the fair was awesome, especially, Thursday night. My friends and I got to go for a few hours and let little kids pet us and sit on us. We had our pictures taken like a million times. Then the best thing happened. You can ask Sandy Carroll. A band stuck up a number and I started dancing the happy dance. It was fantastic! I’ll go again. I just love a band. But, please next time let me go with all my clothes on.
‘Til Next Time,
Lightfoot Lee
